The Conners - Miracles - Fatherhood

Did you happen to catch the episode 5 of the Conners this year? The title of the episode was "Miracles."

The plot is Becky is unexpectedly pregnant after being told it is highly improbable she will ever have a child. Close to Christmas, and in need of ratings this is a clever plot for sure. However, what went on during this episode that went unnoticed is the storyline of the father. Whether intended or not, this show summarized the war on Fatherhood over the past 50 years. Mission accomplished, Dads do not matter. A chilling account how a Mom determines the participation of fathers in raising a child. No issues of abuse or neglect. In fact, the mom is neglectful. She hardly can stay sober during the pregnancy, but she decides who raises the child. Sound familiar?

In the episdoe, Becky had mulitple partners and does not know who the father is at first. In her mind, if it is the manager, okay he can be the dad.He has money.  If it is the busboy, forget about it because he can not financially support Becky and her child. That's the barometer I have been writing about for 10 years that dictates a father's worth. The Conners validated it bluntly and honestly.

The episode continues with devaluing fatherhood. The producers of the show strengthened the narrative by suggesting 2 other scenarios for the baby because Becky is unsure of herself as a fit mother. Both scenarios involve surragate parents that are, yep you guessed it women. Bad enough the biological dad is disenfranchised, the show goes on further to make sure fatherhood figures are disqualified from parenting. Not once was a father figure ever considered as a option for parenting the child.

One could argue that Roseanne offered a positive role as Dan has always been a part of the show. This is just a creative spinoff and I am over reacting. The point is the show captures today's attitudes towards Dads. Roseanne first aired in 1988. This show reflects the values of fathers in 2018.
Hopefully the Conners will dig deeper into fatherhood struggles. I am looking forward to an episode, any episode that discusses the morality of putting the wrong fathers name on a birth certificate, or the CPS calls against dad so he can lose his rights to be a parent. I am not sure those storylines are in development. Doubt a storyline like these would ever see the light of day. On a postiive note hoping down the road we will witness positive stories that encourage fatherhood.

Author's notes: Since this episode, the storyline moved on. No father involved in the raising of the baby. Life imitates art sometimes. 

(The show deserves credit for one postiive fatherhood storyline - DJ - Dan's son is a responsible father. The show should develop this storyline as a better representation of the value of fathers in a child's life.)

Father's Day.....

Father's Day was officially recognized 52 years ago by LBJ (1966). It took 55 years for Father's Day to be recognized after it's counterpart, Mother's Day. Mother's Day was celebrated and recognized by all the states in 1911.

Father's Day evolved from events in which men payed the ultimate price for their families. The first celebration was said to be started from a memorial service held for a large group of men who died in a mining accident in West Virginia in 1907.

In 1909, Sonora Smart Dodd heard a church sermon about Mother’s Day, which had recently become a recognized holiday, and she wondered why there was no Father’s Day. Dodd began a campaign to celebrate Father's Day in the United States. She was inspired by her dad, who raised 6 kids after the civil war as a single father. 

The first local Father's Day was celebrated on June 19, 1910, in Spokane, Washington at a local YMCA. Sonora Smart Dodd became known as the Mother of Father's Day. 

Today, many children are being raised without a father or fatherhood figure. It is ironic that in 1966, when the bill was passed, children grew up in homes that had a father. Today, 33 million children are being raised without a fatherhood figure. Over the past 50 years, there has been a steep decline in fatherhood. Hopefully over the next 50 years, we can return to a day when children have fathers play a positive role in their lives again. 

"Actually....That's Me" - Paternity Fraud

Lecturing on Fatherhood is an emotional process for the audience. The facts of a fatherless nation often get challenged by members in the audience that want to believe they are false. The statistics are staggering. It is easier to say a dad is a bum than to acknowledge the system is stacked against fathers from the start. Some truths are very difficult for people to acknowledge and this is why we need to get the facts out about the fatherhood problem in our country.

Each presentation has the answers in the audience. When challenged, someone usually raises their hand and says, "that's me!" It can bring a room to silence depending on the subject. Recently, a topic that struck a nerve with the audience was Paternity Fraud. This happens when a mom knowingly puts another father on the birth certificate instead of the biological father. It can have severe consequences for children as they become adults.

Studies have shown that Paternity Fraud can range anywhere between 1 -30 percent. You might be surprised that the United States has a serious problem with Paternity Fraud. The Huffington Post recently reported that 30% of dads that pay child support are not the actual father. Birthing is entirely documented through the mother in the United States. Determining paternity is strictly through the courts. Fraud on a birth certificate is difficult to prove and the consequences often are assigned to the children that learn as adults they were lied to by their mother.

I was challenged at my last lecture by a mom that my research was hogwash. No matter what I provided for facts, she thought I was full of SH#$. And then a hand raised in the front row. A young lady said, 'Actually he is right, that person is me." She went on to tell a chilling story about growing up knowing "something" was wrong. She knew her dad was not her dad. She would learn utilizing social media that her assumptions were correct. At the age of 23, she met her biological father.

Paternity Fraud is a form of child abuse. Developmentally, a child is damaged by the deceit and it has long-term consequences. Our country has not responded to the seriousness of the crime. It will take advocacy and legislation to change the current status of paternity fraud. Until then, children will always be vulnerable.