The Problem With Most 50/50 Websites

I checked into blogs and websites that advocate or argue against co-parenting and many have the common denominator that it all boils down to money. Check out this website as an example:


https://www.equitablemediation.com/5050-custody-pros-and-cons


While well intentioned, it still sees one parent as the paycheck. To be fair, other websites do the same. Parenting is about attachment and bonding, not money. For a child to be deprived of a loving relationship with either parent is problematic.


Another pattern is the idea that a child's adaptation to 2 homes should be an issue. There is a subtle meaning to this discussion. This is code for mom gets to be the primary residence and dad get's to be the visitor. Why are so many adults telling us that the absence of a father is detrimental, yet many 50/50 websites provide support for primary residences? The fact is that children are resilient, and the parents are the ones experiencing the emotional trauma and transferring it to their children.


Be careful with websites that pretend to advocate 50/50 rights. The best practice for a child is for them to have equal parenting in their life when both parents work towards an equal parenting partnership. Dads are not visitors in a child's life, they are a parent in a child's life.

The Strive For 50/50

Can you imagine a world that 50/50 rights existed for Fathers? We not only need to imagine a world that factors equal parenting rights, we have to demand it. The generation of fatherless homes needs to come to an end.

How can we become better advocates for 50/50 parenting rights? First and foremost, be the example. Spread the news home much your love being a dad. Next, reach out to pubic advocacy groups. Join or create a fatherhood group. Think like a civil rights leader, not just a dad.

Petition the courts and your legislators for equality in parenting. Challenge conventional wisdom. Explain to your friends that being a dad is more than income redistribution. Get in the game. Petition the White House to have a forum on Fatherhood Rights.

50/50 rights can be a reality, if we demonstrate the need for parent rights. It is time to up our game, and get in the fight for equality. Our children, and future generations of children are counting on us to do the right thing.

Yes.....Dads Feel The Pain Just Like Mom When A Child Is Absent

So much has been discussed about maternal instinct regarding the separation of a child from their mother. However, dads feel the same separation anxiety.  Many websites including mamapedia and netmums have published articles discussing separation anxiety from a child and their father.

Culturally, our society focuses on the loss for the mom. Very little acknowledgement is given to a dad regarding the loss of a child due to divorce. Even with a joint physical custody agreement. The days away from a child can impact both parents.

More importantly, according to a Pew research study, dads identify with their roles as fathers. The study of men and women find that parenting satisfaction is equally important. Both genders identify parenting as the most enjoyable aspect of their life. Thus, when a child is not around, the pain of missing them is profound. The next time you see someone have empathy for the mother because the dad has the kids, try to remember that the pain and suffering is difficult for both parents.

The Irony Of Father's Day

Father's day has an ironic twist for advocates of fatherhood rights to ponder. Similar to parenting rights, the holiday took a long time to embrace. It was 1914 when President Wilson signed Mother's Day as a national holiday. The idea that Fathers should have a similar day took a long time tfor our society to embrace. It would take 58 years until Father's Day became a national holiday. It was not signed into law until 1972.

What a great talking point. Advocates of fatherhood should share this fact as Father's Day approaches. We need to remind everyone that parental rights and social change go hand in hand. Similar to the Women's rights movement and the suffragettes that worked so hard to earn the right to vote, we as advocates of Fatherhood have a similar struggle. We have to convince our society to reexamine 50/50 rights, the right to a father to have FMLA,  and judicial precedent to punish anyone that sabotages any one's right to parent their child as national issues that impact fatherhood.

The goal is to have Father's Day be a symbol of the importance of a father in as child's life. With 1 in 3 children growing up in a fatherless home, the holiday provides nothing but confusion and frustrations for dads and children. One day, hopefully Father's Day will be the national celebration it was intended to be. Until then, it is a cause to fight for, and a day to celebrate for dads involved in a child's life.

Should I Get A Dog?

Whether a single dad or married, getting a dog is a huge question that most dads will have to deal with at some point. The answer has many layers. First and foremost, a dog is like adding a child to your family. You have to ask yourself, are you ready for another child?

Dogs, unlike cats and most pets rely on you for basic tasks. Toileting will allow you 8-12 hours outside of the home. You give up your time, as dogs are very dependent on humans for basic needs. Food is the same as toileting. Exercise is also dependent on human interaction.

Once you agree to the commitment, the answer is yes! Dogs are a great addition to the family. For children who are travelling between homes, a dog provides comfort and joy for a child.

Dogs have a great benefit for dads. They force you to exercise. Dogs like to go for walks and reduces the chances of a sedentary lifestyle. The same is true for your children.

There are many benefits for adults to have a dog. Dogs provide emotional support. You will never get a greeting from humans as consistently that get from a dog. Believe it or not, they also provide companionship. You might even catch yourself talking to the dog as much as you do to humans. They also reinforce loyalty and trust as important attributes in relationships.

For children, they learn responsibility. Dog grooming, feeding, and walks are part of a dog's daily routine. Relationship building is also a key task when you are raising a puppy. Your dog will provide children comfort and joy during difficult times. The dog becomes a part of conversations and everyday routines.

Why Dads Should Not Worry About Titles

Our society feels that titles are important. For most dads, titles are important. You can have all sorts of titles. They can be vocational, professional, religious, or credentialed. However for dads that are raising a child, only one title matters. "Dad."

Prioritizing this title can be very difficult. Your ego might get in the way. Sometimes money is also an issue. No matter what the reason, dads need to put their children first.

The reality is that the title of "Dad" can delay a promotion. Educational goals while important will also take a back seat to your children.

Dads can have goals and with careful planning achieve them. You have to work with your child's mom when it comes to goal planning. While it may be difficult to achieve, ultimately working together allows both parties to complete their goals. This requires careful thought and negotiations that can take some time.

Divorce complicates the quest for new titles. When a divorce happens during early childhood, there is a greater need for children to have their parents. As a child grows and becomes more independent, you can implement a plan for yourself. Until then, you are a 24/7 dad. Your child will remember from their earliest stages of development he level of commitment you had for them.

The bottom line, you have one title that matters. "Dad." All others are inferior and will have to wait.

Myths in Parenting - You Cannot Spoil A Baby

Dads. Bad advice about parenting can be dangerous, especially when you want to positively impact your child's development. One of the worst pieces of advice someone can give a new dad or mom is that you are "spoiling:" the baby. This is a concept that is not only wrong, but extremely dangerous.

Spoiling is a theory based on convenience for the parent to rest and not be stressed. A perception that rarely helps a parent sleep or feel less stressed. The first year of birth is a year of change, and you will lose sleep with our without this strategy. The most common theme for the "spoiling" theory is picking up an infant during times of duress. For example, picking up your child when crying is a common time for this kind of advice. People will tell you that picking up a crying infant is spoiling them. Somehow, later on in life there is a price to pay for doing this.

Seriously, let's look at this logically. Do you remember your mom or dad picking you up when you were 6 months old? Of course not. The ability for us to feel "spoiled" or comprehend such a concept is just not plausible as an infant.

Learning is another reason to avoid this theory. What can an infant learn if isolated from their parents for long periods of time. Infant brain development relies on parent child interaction. Think about how you learn as an adult through social interactions. The same is true for developing infants. They learn language, expressions, and independence through your caring attention to their needs.

It is important for new to dads to realize that the "spoiling" theory is doing the opposite that their proponents suggest. Picking up your baby improves their ability to attach and bond. This is what will impact their lives the most when they become adults. Trust is built, because an infant is reaching out to you and communicating through crying. Not responding is causing more stress, not less for an infant.

The same is true for other spoiling theories.... Allowing a baby to fall asleep in your arms versus letting them cry it out is a common one. Again, attachment and bonding. Your child wants you for comfort, and safety. Trust is impacted by your responses over time.

Spoiling a baby is outdated. Take the time to provide warmth, and love to a child. The research is conclusive. Here is some evidence from Psychology Today to help better understand the opportunities that happen when you pick up a child:


1. Talk to them.  The richer the language environment an infant experiences, the larger their vocabulary, the higher their intelligence, and the easier time they will have in school.  Preschoolers growing up in poverty hear fewer than half as many words per day and essentially live in a language desert (link is external).  It's one of the major barriers they experience blocking high achievement.  There's no reason for it.

• Talk to your newborn about anything - their cute toes, the Super Bowl, the stock market, The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is language.  And no, radio or tv just aren't the same.  It's YOU.

• Talk to your toddler about their environment.  Look at the GREEN brocolli, the ROUND YELLOW grapefruit, the SQUARE box.  The BUS, the BLUE JAY, the BROWN DOGGIE.  Tell them you're cooking SIX HOT DOGS.  Listening to others is how kids start kingergarten knowing how to count and knowing their shapes and colors. It's never too early to start.

• Read, read, read.  One of the wonderful things about reading to your child is that you can read them all sorts of words that it will take years for them to be able to read themselves.  Kids will soak up long fun words as easily as single-syllables. 

2. Play ping pong.  Urie Bronfenbrenner, co-founder of Head Start, called the complicated interchange between babies and parents 'ping pong'.  The baby smiles, the mother smiles back.  The baby sticks out his tongue.  So does mom.  Those interchanges are the foundation of language (conversational turn-taking) and establish a pattern of coordinated behavior that provides a strong foundation for good attachment and sensitive caretaking.

• When your baby looks into your eyes, talk.   Babies have very few ways to control their environment.  One of them is through their gaze.  When they look at you, they want you to react.  Talk. Raise your eyebrows.  Stick out your tongue.

• When they look away, stop.  They're excited and need to calm themselves down. Or they saw something else interesting.  Or they got so excited they lost muscle control and need the time to find you again.  DON'T force yourself back in their vision.  Trust them.  They'll look back at you. 

• Peek-a-boo.  This is an extended game of ping pong for babies a bit beyond newborn, and they love it.  They're surprised at the safe predictability.  Give in to the moment. 

• Don't stop for toddlers.  Make a face or a popping noise every time they look at you.  Roll a ball back and forth.  Take turns tickling each other.  Follow their lead.  Let THEM control when you stop and when they take a break.   

3. Pick up your baby when they cry.   Study after study shows that no sound is more aversive than a crying baby.  Why does every fiber in your being want that baby to be quiet?  Because evolution has designed us to pick up crying babies.  And designed them to cry when they need us.

• The faster you pick up an infant, the more independent toddlers they become.  In the height of behaviorism, when many child developmentalists believed all aspects of infant behavior was determined by reward and punishment, Eleanor Maccoby did a great study.  She measured how long it took for mothers to respond to infant cries and followed these mother-child dyads for several years.

• The faster moms picked up infants, the less babies cried.
• Babies who were picked up fast grew up to be the most independent and curious toddlers.
• Competent babies know how to get people to fulfill their needs - they cry and then they smile when someone comes.
• Competent toddlers know how to explore the world - they use their loved ones as a safe base from which to explore.