Fatherhood is never easy. The burden of hard work should never be an excuse for not fulfilling an obligation for your children. Even if your ex seems like they are always being difficult, you have to take the high road. It will cost you financially and emotionally. It may even cause your relationship with a new partner anxiety, or ultimately end the relationship. Many times people will ask, what should I do when it comes to bringing things back to my child. The answer is simple, bring it.
I recent gave the following advice to a dad regarding a medically needed device that he forgot to give his ex on his last visit with his child. He lives an hour away from his daughter, and was begrudging a forgotten inhaler. He took some steps to avoid bringing back the inhaler, including involving the police to check on his daughter. Here is how I responded:
That's a slippery slope. I live some distance from my ex, and constantly forget things. I always drive them back. I am the adult, and when you take a step back, the adult forgot to pack them. Not bringing the inhaler back puts you at risk for medical neglect. Sounds harsh, but it does. To a neutral party or judge, you simply did not want to bring back a prescribed inhaler due to inconvenience. Calling the police is never a good idea before you know the facts. That call could have gone differently. They had every right to notifiy CPS that you are refusing to provide a medically needed device for your child. Here are some other thoughts. Your kids are watching. They remember down the road all the extra trips. But they also remember when they came second. You have to go. That's the bottom line. One last thing, calling the police can bite you in the butt also. You should have called your ex and worked it out. Calling the police can traumatize the child if it results in a home visit. Again, a catch 22. If I were a family court judge, I would be upset that you involved the police instead of drive the inhaler back. People will give you all sorts of advice and sarcasm. But the best advice is bring back the inhaler because it's your responsibility to pack things correctly and return them. Especially anything medical.
Nothing is more frustrating than forgetting to pack everything during transition times. I have looked for cooperation on meeting half way when it comes to bringing things back to my children. As frustrating as this can feel, in the end, I take the items. I don't care if my relatives, friends, and in some cases a person I am seeing see it as a sign of weakness. It is none of their concern. The bottom line is that I have to bring back what I as an adult forgot to pack. Your kids are counting on me to do what is right. Even if their are times my ex forgets something, I try to be the bigger person and pick it up. This is not the time to compare and contrast. (At least out loud) Have I reacted in frustration at times? Of course, but in the end, the kids come first.
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