Tough to say Goodbye to Your Dad - Long After He Is Gone

 It was a typical Sunday. I was working around the house and choosing projects that are long overdue to be completed. Always that one project I gave a pass. However, this Sunday, I summoned up the courage to tackle a tough project. I decided to unassemble a K-Nex Ferris Wheel. You might think, "What's so hard about that?" Well, this Ferris wheel traveled with me for a long time. It was long overdue. My dad assembled this 16 years ago for my son Thomas. 

Tearing apart a special memory is not easy. My father passed away 10 years ago. I often tried to get the courage to complete the task of taking it apart many times, but I just couldn't. For me, the memory of my son spending time with my dad was too important. I felt like taking it apart would be the end of a memory that I cherish about my father.  I remember that day they put it together like it was yesterday. My father had to have the patience of Job to put together something like that. This was definitely a project for Poppy and his grandson. Pieces all over the floor, my dad saying, "Hold on Thomas" a thousand times, and then finally completing the project. It was special.

This was an actual working Ferris Wheel complete with bench seats and people riding the wheel. It was a sight to see. Watching my son's astonishment taught me a valuable lesson that day. Little things matter. Your kids want your time at an early age. Material items come and go in their lives. However, those moments last a lifetime. 

I am fortunate. All my kids learned the value of time with adults. Sometimes, I think our society does not value time spent with children. Today, some choose to give them some tech, and they will be happy for now. Trust me, this is never the solution. If you want kids to be functioning adults, the problem-solving they learn by building a Ferris wheel is worth more than its weight in gold. 

I have always raised my kids by teaching them through experiences. That's what Dads are supposed to do. When they say they can't, we say they can. That's the power of hands-on learning. Even though my oldest kids are adults, we still assemble, build, and work on projects together. This weekend is an example, my daughter brought over a new juicer for us to use for the first time and my sons are working on a robot for a future competition. Learning never stops in our house. 

Now about my dad. Today was goodbye for now for the Ferris Wheel. I had to come to terms with that. I hope someday I can rebuild that Ferris Wheel with my grandson while my own son watches and realizes that spending time with you Pops, is important for any child. 

You may wonder what helped me finally take it apart. I asked my son, who I named after my father if it was okay to take it down. He said, "Yes dad." I think he knew I needed his blessing to do it. He knew there was something symbolic for me regarding their relationship. My son Thomas is a lot like my dad. A hands-on learner for sure. He followed in his footsteps and served his country. He is not afraid of taking on challenges today just like 16 years ago. I'd like to think the Ferris Wheel from 16 years ago was the start of something special. 

One final thought that is most important for me.  Thanks, Pops. For paving the way for me to be a better dad.

Much love and admiration.

Len

Dads During The Pandemic - Forgotten Heroes

 As the 1.9 Trillion Dollar stimulus bill is signed into law, I want to remind everyone that one group was never discussed this past year. Fathers. That's right fathers. Here are some talking points that support my suggestion that dads were forgotten heroes during this once in a lifetime pandemic. 

Overall, stimulus relief was targeted to help all Americans. Right? Well, not necessarily. The relief is targeted through advocacy efforts. One group that does not have a lot of advocacy at the Federal Level is fathers. Consider the following as evidence: 

• Stimulus Funding: The childhood portion of the stimulus package does not include many fathers raising children on their own or in 50/50 custody agreements. Fathers that are divorced often have childhood tax credits given to the mother. That's part of the "deal." they have to make to keep their children in their lives. Even though they might have 50/50 custody, the stimulus monies are not provided to men that lose their jobs that have children. Stimulus relief is accounted for by a tax return, not responsibility. 
• Debt forgiveness: Each bill forgives/postpones debt. Suspension of Child Support Payments is not a part of that relief. According to the law: 

The court is not offering any automatic exemption on child support requirements because children still need to be cared for. The reasoning is that the parent of primary residence still must feed, clothe and care for their children, even if they have lost their jobs due to COVID-19. Therefore, the parent of alternate residence is still obligated to fulfill their financial responsibilities. If you fail to pay child support when owed, you may face several consequences, including:

• Garnishment of your wages and unemployment
• Confiscation of tax refunds
• Being found in contempt of court
• Having a warrant issued for your arrest
• Getting your passport and various licenses revoked
• Getting a lien placed on your car, home, or other property
• Being excluded from government benefits

Think about that. People can stop paying their bills, they can stop paying their rent, but Fathers are not given a break during a once-in-a-lifetime pandemic to be able to economically regain their ability to support their children. This can lead to liens, loss of personal property, and in some cases legal consequences. 

Lastly, think about the most recent bill. Prior bills did not allow for the collection of debt. Fathers in debt will have their stimulus monies retracted. They will also miss out on the increased Childhood Credit and future childhood stimulus monies that are proposed in the bill. 

Men are unfairly excluded which leads to inequity in relief efforts at the Federal Level. 

By no means is this article suggesting that men should be free from their financial responsibility for parenting. What it does point out is Fathers in this country do not have enough advocacy at the Federal Level. We live in a time when men are increasingly responsible for raising children against all odds. Similar to mothers, we need to keep them in mind for future legislation. Times have changed, and legislation needs to keep up with the changes in our society. This is an article to support fathers that are stepping up and being responsible parents during a time of national crisis. They need our help and advocacy.