Seven Things To Reflect Upon This Thanksgiving

Every year, single dads can find the holidays to be stressful. This time of year is tough, especially when splitting your time for the holidays. Tough on you, and tough on the kids. Yet, within the darkness of frustrations, you can find many reasons to be thankful. Here are seven this year to share at the dinner table.


1. Great To Be Dad - Every year, I tell me children how thankful I am to be a dad. It is the most important part of my life.


2. Traditions - I break out the traditions over the holidays. This is the best time of the year to establish them as part of your parental routine. Cooking, decorating, Game Night, Old movies, Pictures, and Story telling. You can also start new traditions. This is the time of year to embrace what is uniquely identifiable for your family.


3. Emotional Vulnerability - Every year I make a toast, and every year I cry. That's right, this big 6'4 guy shows his vulnerability. My kids are watching. In order for them to understand the importance of emotional intelligence, I demonstrate it through my actions. (Unintentionally of course) I enjoy sharing how I feel this time of year, as I want my children to understand it is okay to be vulnerable.


4. Expanding Upon Values - Children learn best around the special dinners and events around the Holidays. This is a great time to share with your children about the world we live in. Conversations open up pathways of learning for your kids. This time of year helps to shape empathy and compassion. Invite those that are lonely this year to the table, and your kids will learn that we have a responsibility greater than ourselves to the world.

5. Laughter - Trains, Plains and Automobiles. My yearly Thanksgiving tradition. Why? Because we laugh.....and laugh....and laugh. Laughter is a part of my life that I want my kids to remember. When I was going through a very painful divorce, my kids never felt the impact, due to my emphasis that my personal pain is just that. We had much less back then, yet we had so much more in some ways. Laughter is free, and plentiful if you allow it into your life. We continue to use the holidays as a time to be mischievous and fun. Break out a game like pie in the face, and everyone laughs. It's a big part of being a dad. You are the big goof in their life.

6.Christmas Music In November - Absolutely. Do not join the naysayers that claim Christmas comes to early. For your children, Christmas starts the day after the last Christmas. Embrace their excitement. I start listening to Sirius XM's holiday channel Nov 1st. My kids love it. You should too.

7. All Eyes Are On You - Your children see you as the example. You model what is, and can be for your kids. Try to remember, even when anxious about the holidays, that your kids are watching your reactions to this time of the year. Be the change, and have the greatest holiday celebrations you can. Your kids will remember this for the rest of their life.

I Forgot To Give My Ex My Kid's Belongings.....What Do I Do Next?

Fatherhood is never easy. The burden of hard work should never be an excuse for not fulfilling an obligation for your children. Even if your ex seems like they are always being difficult, you have to take the high road. It will cost you financially and emotionally. It may even cause your relationship with a new partner anxiety, or ultimately end the relationship. Many times people will ask, what should I do when it comes to bringing things back to my child. The answer is simple, bring it.

I recent gave the following advice to a dad regarding a medically needed device that he forgot to give his ex on his last visit with his child. He lives an hour away from his daughter, and was begrudging a forgotten inhaler. He took some steps to avoid bringing back the inhaler, including involving the police to check on his daughter. Here is how I responded:

That's a slippery slope. I live some distance from my ex, and constantly forget things. I always drive them back. I am the adult, and when you take a step back, the adult forgot to pack them. Not bringing the inhaler back puts you at risk for medical neglect. Sounds harsh, but it does. To a neutral party or judge, you simply did not want to bring back a prescribed inhaler due to inconvenience. Calling the police is never a good idea before you know the facts. That call could have gone differently. They had every right to notifiy CPS that you are refusing to provide a medically needed device for your child. Here are some other thoughts. Your kids are watching. They remember down the road all the extra trips. But they also remember when they came second. You have to go. That's the bottom line. One last thing, calling the police can bite you in the butt also. You should have called your ex and worked it out. Calling the police can traumatize the child if it results in a home visit. Again, a catch 22. If I were a family court judge, I would be upset that you involved the police instead of drive the inhaler back. People will give you all sorts of advice and sarcasm. But the best advice is bring back the inhaler because it's your responsibility to pack things correctly and return them. Especially anything medical.

Nothing is more frustrating than forgetting to pack everything during transition times. I have looked for cooperation on meeting half way when it comes to bringing things back to my children. As frustrating as this can feel, in the end, I take the items. I don't care if my relatives, friends, and in some cases a person I am seeing see it as a sign of weakness. It is none of their concern. The bottom line is that I have to bring back what I as an adult forgot to pack. Your kids are counting on me to do what is right. Even if their are times my ex forgets something, I try to be the bigger person and pick it up. This is not the time to compare and contrast. (At least out loud)  Have I reacted in frustration at times? Of course, but in the end, the kids come first.

Should WIC be PIC?

(If You Were A Father - Would You Feel Dads
Are Important To This Agency?)
Exclusion can happen in all shapes and forms. We as a society have challenged names of groups and organizations due to the changing climate of cultural competency. For example, when I was a child, names reflective of challenges to race or diversity were challenged. We had a Sambos restaurant in our town, and due to the history of the name, the restaurant changed their name due to pressures from civil rights groups.

Maybe it is time for Fathers to consider the benefit of this practice when it comes to social service providers. Social service providers and many parenting programs are advocates for moms first, then dads. Expectations are important. Would a service provider prioritize race or gender? Of course not. The law is clear. However, parenting programs are allowed to have different expectations. For examples, WIC. Women Infant and Children lacks diversity. If I were a father, I would ask, hmmmm, where is dad? It should be PIC. Parents Infant and Children. The current incarnation assigns nutritional health only to one parent based on our past that the dad was a financial provider, and not a home provider. Times have changed, and dads are just as involved in nutritional health as moms.

Here is the official definition of WIC: The Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children (WIC) provides Federal grants to States for supplemental foods, health care referrals, and nutrition education for low-income pregnant, breastfeeding, and non-breastfeeding postpartum women, and to infants and children up to age five who are found to be at nutritional risk. The program definition should be extended to fathers. Fathers have been given custody of children under 5, and by definition may not see WIC as a resource. Feeling welcomed by a service is so critical to a service being valuable to the consumers they serve.

What are your thoughts on programs designated to one parent that serve both parents and children? Should the Federal Government change the definitions to represent an inclusive environment for fathers? For this dad who wrote this article, it is time to change the name to PIC, allowing for a cultural change that benefits fathers.

One last reason to change the name. Most partnerships working with parent infant development use WIC as a referral source. Fathers are excluded from parenting partnerships due to the bias of the program's name and functionality. Systemically, this is why dads are not part of the process of parenting, because expectations of their involvement are so low. If you choose a service that has low fatherhood involvement, by proxy you are excluding dads. It is time to change the culture of programs that are resources to families, because dads matter.

The Problem With Most 50/50 Websites

I checked into blogs and websites that advocate or argue against co-parenting and many have the common denominator that it all boils down to money. Check out this website as an example:


https://www.equitablemediation.com/5050-custody-pros-and-cons


While well intentioned, it still sees one parent as the paycheck. To be fair, other websites do the same. Parenting is about attachment and bonding, not money. For a child to be deprived of a loving relationship with either parent is problematic.


Another pattern is the idea that a child's adaptation to 2 homes should be an issue. There is a subtle meaning to this discussion. This is code for mom gets to be the primary residence and dad get's to be the visitor. Why are so many adults telling us that the absence of a father is detrimental, yet many 50/50 websites provide support for primary residences? The fact is that children are resilient, and the parents are the ones experiencing the emotional trauma and transferring it to their children.


Be careful with websites that pretend to advocate 50/50 rights. The best practice for a child is for them to have equal parenting in their life when both parents work towards an equal parenting partnership. Dads are not visitors in a child's life, they are a parent in a child's life.

The Strive For 50/50

Can you imagine a world that 50/50 rights existed for Fathers? We not only need to imagine a world that factors equal parenting rights, we have to demand it. The generation of fatherless homes needs to come to an end.

How can we become better advocates for 50/50 parenting rights? First and foremost, be the example. Spread the news home much your love being a dad. Next, reach out to pubic advocacy groups. Join or create a fatherhood group. Think like a civil rights leader, not just a dad.

Petition the courts and your legislators for equality in parenting. Challenge conventional wisdom. Explain to your friends that being a dad is more than income redistribution. Get in the game. Petition the White House to have a forum on Fatherhood Rights.

50/50 rights can be a reality, if we demonstrate the need for parent rights. It is time to up our game, and get in the fight for equality. Our children, and future generations of children are counting on us to do the right thing.

Yes.....Dads Feel The Pain Just Like Mom When A Child Is Absent

So much has been discussed about maternal instinct regarding the separation of a child from their mother. However, dads feel the same separation anxiety.  Many websites including mamapedia and netmums have published articles discussing separation anxiety from a child and their father.

Culturally, our society focuses on the loss for the mom. Very little acknowledgement is given to a dad regarding the loss of a child due to divorce. Even with a joint physical custody agreement. The days away from a child can impact both parents.

More importantly, according to a Pew research study, dads identify with their roles as fathers. The study of men and women find that parenting satisfaction is equally important. Both genders identify parenting as the most enjoyable aspect of their life. Thus, when a child is not around, the pain of missing them is profound. The next time you see someone have empathy for the mother because the dad has the kids, try to remember that the pain and suffering is difficult for both parents.

The Irony Of Father's Day

Father's day has an ironic twist for advocates of fatherhood rights to ponder. Similar to parenting rights, the holiday took a long time to embrace. It was 1914 when President Wilson signed Mother's Day as a national holiday. The idea that Fathers should have a similar day took a long time tfor our society to embrace. It would take 58 years until Father's Day became a national holiday. It was not signed into law until 1972.

What a great talking point. Advocates of fatherhood should share this fact as Father's Day approaches. We need to remind everyone that parental rights and social change go hand in hand. Similar to the Women's rights movement and the suffragettes that worked so hard to earn the right to vote, we as advocates of Fatherhood have a similar struggle. We have to convince our society to reexamine 50/50 rights, the right to a father to have FMLA,  and judicial precedent to punish anyone that sabotages any one's right to parent their child as national issues that impact fatherhood.

The goal is to have Father's Day be a symbol of the importance of a father in as child's life. With 1 in 3 children growing up in a fatherless home, the holiday provides nothing but confusion and frustrations for dads and children. One day, hopefully Father's Day will be the national celebration it was intended to be. Until then, it is a cause to fight for, and a day to celebrate for dads involved in a child's life.

Should I Get A Dog?

Whether a single dad or married, getting a dog is a huge question that most dads will have to deal with at some point. The answer has many layers. First and foremost, a dog is like adding a child to your family. You have to ask yourself, are you ready for another child?

Dogs, unlike cats and most pets rely on you for basic tasks. Toileting will allow you 8-12 hours outside of the home. You give up your time, as dogs are very dependent on humans for basic needs. Food is the same as toileting. Exercise is also dependent on human interaction.

Once you agree to the commitment, the answer is yes! Dogs are a great addition to the family. For children who are travelling between homes, a dog provides comfort and joy for a child.

Dogs have a great benefit for dads. They force you to exercise. Dogs like to go for walks and reduces the chances of a sedentary lifestyle. The same is true for your children.

There are many benefits for adults to have a dog. Dogs provide emotional support. You will never get a greeting from humans as consistently that get from a dog. Believe it or not, they also provide companionship. You might even catch yourself talking to the dog as much as you do to humans. They also reinforce loyalty and trust as important attributes in relationships.

For children, they learn responsibility. Dog grooming, feeding, and walks are part of a dog's daily routine. Relationship building is also a key task when you are raising a puppy. Your dog will provide children comfort and joy during difficult times. The dog becomes a part of conversations and everyday routines.

Why Dads Should Not Worry About Titles

Our society feels that titles are important. For most dads, titles are important. You can have all sorts of titles. They can be vocational, professional, religious, or credentialed. However for dads that are raising a child, only one title matters. "Dad."

Prioritizing this title can be very difficult. Your ego might get in the way. Sometimes money is also an issue. No matter what the reason, dads need to put their children first.

The reality is that the title of "Dad" can delay a promotion. Educational goals while important will also take a back seat to your children.

Dads can have goals and with careful planning achieve them. You have to work with your child's mom when it comes to goal planning. While it may be difficult to achieve, ultimately working together allows both parties to complete their goals. This requires careful thought and negotiations that can take some time.

Divorce complicates the quest for new titles. When a divorce happens during early childhood, there is a greater need for children to have their parents. As a child grows and becomes more independent, you can implement a plan for yourself. Until then, you are a 24/7 dad. Your child will remember from their earliest stages of development he level of commitment you had for them.

The bottom line, you have one title that matters. "Dad." All others are inferior and will have to wait.

Myths in Parenting - You Cannot Spoil A Baby

Dads. Bad advice about parenting can be dangerous, especially when you want to positively impact your child's development. One of the worst pieces of advice someone can give a new dad or mom is that you are "spoiling:" the baby. This is a concept that is not only wrong, but extremely dangerous.

Spoiling is a theory based on convenience for the parent to rest and not be stressed. A perception that rarely helps a parent sleep or feel less stressed. The first year of birth is a year of change, and you will lose sleep with our without this strategy. The most common theme for the "spoiling" theory is picking up an infant during times of duress. For example, picking up your child when crying is a common time for this kind of advice. People will tell you that picking up a crying infant is spoiling them. Somehow, later on in life there is a price to pay for doing this.

Seriously, let's look at this logically. Do you remember your mom or dad picking you up when you were 6 months old? Of course not. The ability for us to feel "spoiled" or comprehend such a concept is just not plausible as an infant.

Learning is another reason to avoid this theory. What can an infant learn if isolated from their parents for long periods of time. Infant brain development relies on parent child interaction. Think about how you learn as an adult through social interactions. The same is true for developing infants. They learn language, expressions, and independence through your caring attention to their needs.

It is important for new to dads to realize that the "spoiling" theory is doing the opposite that their proponents suggest. Picking up your baby improves their ability to attach and bond. This is what will impact their lives the most when they become adults. Trust is built, because an infant is reaching out to you and communicating through crying. Not responding is causing more stress, not less for an infant.

The same is true for other spoiling theories.... Allowing a baby to fall asleep in your arms versus letting them cry it out is a common one. Again, attachment and bonding. Your child wants you for comfort, and safety. Trust is impacted by your responses over time.

Spoiling a baby is outdated. Take the time to provide warmth, and love to a child. The research is conclusive. Here is some evidence from Psychology Today to help better understand the opportunities that happen when you pick up a child:


1. Talk to them.  The richer the language environment an infant experiences, the larger their vocabulary, the higher their intelligence, and the easier time they will have in school.  Preschoolers growing up in poverty hear fewer than half as many words per day and essentially live in a language desert (link is external).  It's one of the major barriers they experience blocking high achievement.  There's no reason for it.

• Talk to your newborn about anything - their cute toes, the Super Bowl, the stock market, The Girl With The Dragon Tatoo.  It doesn't matter.  What matters is language.  And no, radio or tv just aren't the same.  It's YOU.

• Talk to your toddler about their environment.  Look at the GREEN brocolli, the ROUND YELLOW grapefruit, the SQUARE box.  The BUS, the BLUE JAY, the BROWN DOGGIE.  Tell them you're cooking SIX HOT DOGS.  Listening to others is how kids start kingergarten knowing how to count and knowing their shapes and colors. It's never too early to start.

• Read, read, read.  One of the wonderful things about reading to your child is that you can read them all sorts of words that it will take years for them to be able to read themselves.  Kids will soak up long fun words as easily as single-syllables. 

2. Play ping pong.  Urie Bronfenbrenner, co-founder of Head Start, called the complicated interchange between babies and parents 'ping pong'.  The baby smiles, the mother smiles back.  The baby sticks out his tongue.  So does mom.  Those interchanges are the foundation of language (conversational turn-taking) and establish a pattern of coordinated behavior that provides a strong foundation for good attachment and sensitive caretaking.

• When your baby looks into your eyes, talk.   Babies have very few ways to control their environment.  One of them is through their gaze.  When they look at you, they want you to react.  Talk. Raise your eyebrows.  Stick out your tongue.

• When they look away, stop.  They're excited and need to calm themselves down. Or they saw something else interesting.  Or they got so excited they lost muscle control and need the time to find you again.  DON'T force yourself back in their vision.  Trust them.  They'll look back at you. 

• Peek-a-boo.  This is an extended game of ping pong for babies a bit beyond newborn, and they love it.  They're surprised at the safe predictability.  Give in to the moment. 

• Don't stop for toddlers.  Make a face or a popping noise every time they look at you.  Roll a ball back and forth.  Take turns tickling each other.  Follow their lead.  Let THEM control when you stop and when they take a break.   

3. Pick up your baby when they cry.   Study after study shows that no sound is more aversive than a crying baby.  Why does every fiber in your being want that baby to be quiet?  Because evolution has designed us to pick up crying babies.  And designed them to cry when they need us.

• The faster you pick up an infant, the more independent toddlers they become.  In the height of behaviorism, when many child developmentalists believed all aspects of infant behavior was determined by reward and punishment, Eleanor Maccoby did a great study.  She measured how long it took for mothers to respond to infant cries and followed these mother-child dyads for several years.

• The faster moms picked up infants, the less babies cried.
• Babies who were picked up fast grew up to be the most independent and curious toddlers.
• Competent babies know how to get people to fulfill their needs - they cry and then they smile when someone comes.
• Competent toddlers know how to explore the world - they use their loved ones as a safe base from which to explore.

Trampolines - To Buy Or Not To Buy

With the increase of screen time, finding motivation for children to go outdoors is a challenge for parents. One purchase that encourages hours of outdoor time is a trampoline. Trampolines have many accessories that encourage play and usage of the trampoline. Some trampolines come lighted. Others have full enclosures that convert the trampoline into a bouncy house or tent. You can find creative accessories like this online at major retailers.

There are pros and cons to buying a trampoline for your children. Here are a few that have been documented by parents on child development websites:




Pros

• Encourages More Time Outdoors
• Helps With Athletic Development
• Excellent Source Of Exercise That Reduces The Risk Of Obesity
• Newer Trampolines Come With Night Lighting and Games that Encourage Usage

Cons

• Risk Of Insurance Increase or Cancellation
• Risk Of Injury\
• Children In The Neighborhood May Use The Trampoline Without Supervision

Purchasing a trampoline is a positive experience if parents provide the proper supervision and rules for use. Choose wisely and talk to your children prior to use, and your trampoline experience can be a positive one.

Sitting At The Table During Meals Is More Important Than You Think

Sitting at the dinner table is one of the most important parts of your day. Breakfast, lunch and dinner are meant to be social times for families to talk about their day. From the morning check in to the end of the day wrap up, the dinner table serves many purposes.

If you are a dad that eats around the TV for convenience, it is time to rethink how you serve your meals. Having time with your kids preparing the meal can be great for conversations starters. Eating a meal together provides for endless conversations lost to TV or Video Games.

Meal time at the table can help your children strengthen their vocabulary. The interaction among siblings and adults increases a child's vocabulary. Conversations also lead to social development. Topics such as bullying, moral character and emotional bonding can be tied into dinner time conversations.

Afraid a new habit is hard to start. Here are 4 tips for conversations at the table to help get your started:

Discuss the child’s day. Express an interest in your child’s daily life.

Discuss current events. Bring up news that's appropriate for your child’s age.

Let all family members talk. Be an active listener and be sure your child learns to listen as well.

Encourage your child to participate. Do not underestimate your child’s ability to hold a conversation.

You will notice in a few weeks a huge difference in your children's dining habits and be one proud dad for making the effort to make meal times family time. If you would like additional tips for meal prep, we also have a cooking blog to help fathers plan meals. The link will be provided as a resource under Fatherhood Resources.

Dads and LEGOS - Time Well Spent

How many times as a father, have I stepped on a LEGO and felt the pain on the bottom of my feet? Too many to count. My house is covered with LEGOS at times. Models and constructive sets decorate the entire house. Common themed stories along with robotics has been a big part of my kid's development. If you have not considered the benefits of LEGOS, here are some thoughts for dads to ponder.

LEGOS are an imaginative world that children benefit from. It opens up there minds to imagination and allows your child to explore their world in many innovative ways. LEGOS also teach your kids to use logic. Each brick has to "fit" into a pattern or scheme that they create in their mind. It may seem like construction to adults, which in a sense it is, however Legos open pathways to development for kids far beyond what we see. There is a reason that MIT and NASA use LEGOS as models to find solutions and clues to endless puzzles. Believe it or not, your child is doing the same thing. If you want to connect early childhood development in a meaningful way, check out the link on our blog for LEGOS, and how children develop at different ages and stages.

Dads And Adolescents

We hear a lot about the impact dads have regarding the early stages of life. With that being said, dads are equally as important during adolescence. Adolescence for boys and girls are an extremely difficult transition. Their bodies and minds are going through transitions rapidly. It is important for both parents to be there for them during this time. Here are some examples how dads impact adolescence:

Girls

Adolescent girls who have a close relationship with their fathers are more likely to delay sexual activity.

Adolescent girls whose fathers were present during their childhood are less likely to become pregnant.

Boys

Adolescent males who report a close relationship with their fathers are more likely to anticipate having a stable marriage in the future.

Among teenage boys, those from intact families  average the fewest sexual partners.

Adolescents as a whole

Adolescents with more involved fathers tend to exhibit lower levels of behavioral problems.
Adolescents who report having more positive relationships with their fathers are less likely to engage in delinquency.
Adolescents who report having more positive relationships with their fathers are less likely to abuse substances.
Individuals whose fathers showed more involvement in their lives early on tend to attain higher levels of education.

Check out the academic achievement ceremonies at schools from 7-12th grade. Most likely, you will notice a strong departure of males from most academic ceremonies. Sadly, young adolescent males are not successful when their father is not present. This is why it is so important to fight for your right to parent. Your kids are counting on you.

New Jersey Supreme Court Ruling Will Deepen the Fatherhood Crisis

The news out of New Jersey is not good. The New Jersey Supreme Court has denied fathers the right to be at the birth of their child. This has made headlines across the nation. Many have, and will focus on the right of a father to be at the birth of the child. Rightly so I might add. However, the ruling itself has a deeper impact on biological fathers. It will deepen the crisis that already exists regarding fatherless homes.

I read the ruling. Not only does this decision impact the rights of the father to be at birth, it also allows the right of the mother to exclude the father on the birth certificate. For those who have not been a part of the family court system, you may not understand the impact.

Many parents in our family court systems are young and without resources to be parents at the time of conception and birth. For this reason, it leaves a dad vulnerable to questioning and attacks when he has little or no support. The courts validated it's okay to rid the father. How? When a mother purposefully leaves a father off the birth certificate, it requires the father to request from the court paternity tests to prove they are truly the father. It takes months to prove paternity. Sometimes over a year. What will happen is this ruling will turn into a legal strategy for mothers to eliminate dad all together. This law can actually provide more pressure on a mom to eliminate dad. There could be cases whereas younger moms want the father to be a part of a child's life, and it is her family' that is pressuring her to exclude a dad from a child's life.

I have seen the pattern myself as a fatherhood advocate. Single parent homes, that raise a child on their own validate that this practice is appropriate. This is sometimes the case for younger grandmothers that have a younger daughter that is expecting a child. Sometimes, personal trauma of the grandparent such as domestic violence clouds their judgment of fathers. They pressure their to daughters to get rid  of the biological father because they feel threatened by them being a part of the parenting process. This ruling strengthens the practice of eliminating fathers from the parenting process.

Even without the NJ ruling, some single parents are using this strategy in family courts. The "unspoken" rule no one wants to acknowledge is that this practice of legal counsel occurs without the law. Some family court lawyers do not have a problem telling their client to have the father prove paternity by keeping him off the birth certificate. This strategy allows for manipulation of the courts in their favor, because the judge will not want a newborn to be with a "stranger", that was not their since birth. New Jersey just validated what should have never been a precedent in the first place.

Why would this ruling hurt fathers? It gives moms leverage to disenfranchise the biological father before the baby is born. Fathers may lack the resources to be dads in the beginning.(Similar to mothers in poverty)  During the paternity process, threats begin to mount about child support "if" you are the father. Thousands of dollars can be threatened in lieu of signing over your rights if the courts find out you are the father. Then, a scared father will be threatened jail time for not "stepping up." The worse part about proving your paternity is the lawyers will deem you unfit at first. The opposing attorney will point out that you missed out on the first year or year and a half of a child's life. What will not be mentioned is leaving a dad off the birth certificate was the reason for a paternity test. It works, because the courts are too overburdened to hear a paternity case. When this happens, fathers at times get supervised visits. Guess by who? Yep, that angry grandparent that thought you should not be he father. Now, the CPS games begin to further discourage and eliminate a biological dad from parenting. It is a very intimidating process that scares a dad into giving up his rights.

New Jersey made a big mistake, and it could cost all dads nationwide if this decision was adopted by more states. Dads need to rally, and educate their legislators that this ruling is not good for children and their state should not consider a similar ruling. Unfortunately, Roe v. Wade will be used to validate the ruling. Stay clear of politics and focus on parenting. The future of our children are counting on us to respond that fathers do matter.

More on the ruling:
http://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-baby-new-jersey-idUSBREA2B1BM20140312

The Power Of Positive Thinking

Our blog has only been around for 3 months. Read in 11 countries and most of the United States, it is further evidence that dads matter in a child's life. We will continue to grow and motivate the spirit of fatherhood. New this month is powerful evidence from other researchers that will motivate dads to get in the game, and stay in the game. On the right of the blog is an archive of research listed under Articles to Motivate Fathers. I will continue to post the best motivating articles from A-Z for dads. Thanks to everyone reading the blog. We will continue to be diligent and keep the power of positive thinking going.

The Social Impact Of A Fatherless Nation

The lack of a fatherhood figure is an epidemic problem since the 1970s. A silent killer. It receives very little attention in the media. However, it impacts everyone. Here are the facts:

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 24 million children in America -- one out of every three -- live in biological father-absent homes.

More importantly: there is a "father factor" in nearly all of the social issues facing America today. But the hope lies in the fact that children with involved fathers do better across every measure of child well-being than their peers in father-absent homes. Violence is a huge factor. Most violent offenders in prisons across this land come from fatherless homes. As mentioned in previous posts, educational outcomes are impacted. High School dropouts commonly come from a fatherless home. Economic factors as a result of lower educational outcomes are well documented.

Want to reinvigorate out nation? We have to place fatherless homes on the agenda for all to talk about. The impact it would have would be transformational regarding many aspects of our society.

Father Involvement Improves Educational Outcomes

The facts are clear. Fatherhood involvement leads to better educational outcomes for children. What makes this research unique is that all Fatherhood figures positively impact outcomes. Here is some research to share with both current and future dads.

Father Factor in Education

Father involvement in schools is associated with the higher likelihood of a student getting mostly A's. This was true for fathers in biological parent families, for stepfathers, and for fathers heading single-parent families.
Source: Nord, Christine Winquist, and Jerry West. Fathers’ and Mothers’ Involvement in Their Children’s Schools by Family Type and Resident Status. (NCES 2001-032). Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics, 2001.

From Conception - Dads Are An Important Factor To Maternal Child Health

I once participated in a national study that was for expectant mothers. I asked the question about dad's being a part of the study. The response from the researchers was, "Why would we have fathers involved prenatally?"
Wow have times changed. Dads, consider the following research:

Father Factor in Maternal and Child Health

Infant mortality rates are 1.8 times higher for infants of unmarried mothers than for married mothers.
Source: Matthews, T.J., Sally C. Curtin, and Marian F. MacDorman. Infant Mortality Statistics from the 1998 Period Linked Birth/Infant Death Data Set. National Vital Statistics Reports, Vol. 48, No. 12. Hyattsville, MD: National Center for Health Statistics, 2000.


It is just as important for you to get in their from the moment you and your partner discover that you are having a child together.

Fathers Are A Protective Factor For Their Children

Fathers serve many roles. One of them is being a protective factor in their children's lives. Research has shown that having a biological father involved in a child's life protects them from the risk of child abuse. Here is some research from a wellbeing study.

Father Factor in Child Abuse

A study using data from the Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study revealed that in many cases the absence of a biological father contributes to increased risk of child maltreatment. The results suggest that Child Protective Services (CPS) agencies have some justification in viewing the presence of a social father as increasing children’s risk of abuse and neglect. It is believed that in families with a non-biological (social) father figure, there is a higher risk of abuse and neglect to children, despite the social father living in the household or only dating the mother.
Source: “CPS Involvement in Families with Social Fathers.” Fragile Families Research Brief No.46. Princeton, NJ and New York, NY: Bendheim-Thomas Center for Research on Child Wellbeing and Social Indicators Survey Center, 2010.

The bottom line is your child needs you. You are a protective factor in their life. Stay in the game. Your child or children are counting on you.

Tips To Help Language Development

Dads can have such a great impact on their child's development. Sometimes, the wording can be complicated for milestones. Speech and language has a vocabulary all of it's own. Here are 10 tips for dads that break down how to help develop your child's speech and language skills. You will also help them become emergent readers. Learning starts at birth, and you can have an impact!

1. Exploring things together – look at things together, point to items and name them. Try to encourage kids to talk, and avoid answering for them.
2. Literacy in the home - Look at books together, have your child name the pictures, read them stories.
3. Spacing - Get down to their level and face them when talking. As early as infancy, children learn from your facial expressions.
4. Face to face contact while sitting - Whether at the dinner table or in the living room, try to sit across from your child. They will learn from your presence.
5. Unplug and Play - Less screen time - more dad time.
6. Echo Echo Echo - Repeat back their words and teach language skills.
7. Audiologist - If you are worried about hearing loss, consult an audiologist. This impacts language development.
8. Karaoke time - Sing songs and nursery rhymes when your kids are young. Break out that Karaoke and make language development fun.
9. Children are like sponges - Try to remember that very activity is a language learning activity.
10. Keep it simple - Remember to keep your level of language simple and easy to understand.

Dads - Laughter Is The Best Medicine

Having a sense of humor is important when it comes to raising children. Research has proven that humor actually benefits your children as they begin to develop. It teaches them many of life's lessons. The replacement for humor is stress and anger. Ask yourself, how would anything be a better alternative to humor when we feel under pressure? Here is a list of humor's benefits to your health that you can pass along to your children.

 

1. Humor combats fear.

2. Humor comforts.

3. Humor relaxes.

4. Humor reduces pain.

5. Humor boosts the immune system.

6. Humor reduces stress.

7. Humor spreads happiness.

8. Humor cultivates optimism.

9. Humor helps communication.

I use humor as a daily part of my life. At work and at home, a smile goes a long way. Kids love a dad with a good sense of humor. They tell the stories of their youth to their children and you help ensure that empathy and kindness replace stress and anger.

5 New Year's Resolutions For Dads

New Year's resolutions are promises to ourselves to make an effort towards a goal we find to be truly important. Being a father is so important to a child, what better resolution than to commit to a fatherhood goal? Here are some ideas to get you started.

1. Take care of yourself - To be a dad takes a lot of energy. Commit to yourself to be healthy. Simple steps could be achieved with a smart app that guides physical fitness goals. You could also join a gym if you have the time. Eating healthy is another worthy goal. Just a few simple steps can give you increased energy and stamina.

2. Increase time spent with your children - Every dad is different when it comes to custody, and time spent with their children. Set a goal for yourself to increase your time with the kids by 10 percent. You will be amazed how much your kids will appreciate it.

3. Start a new tradition - New year...New traditions. Kids love anything that you do that builds on traditions. Join a club, have a board game night, or just make a new event that kids look forward to every week.

4. Increase time spent outdoors - Screen time is always a battle for parents. Get the kids off the Ipads and outside to play. Each season has a reason to play outdoors. Get out there and play with the kids.

5. Quit bad habits. If you smoke, quit. Social habits such as drinking or recreation drug use are also a problem. Other bad habits include procrastination, making a promise you can not keep, and money management. Turn a negative into a positive. You can do it!

Hopefully this list will get you started on a few new habits. No matter what you choose to do, remember your kids are always watching dad. What they learn can be a lifelong lesson, so choose wisely.

Embrace Early Intervention Services

Sometimes, a new dad can be scared of services for their child. Especially a dad who is newly on his own. When a father fights for custody, or fights his ex, he can begin to lose trust with new parts of their child's life. This feeling is normal and it is so important dads learn that he needs to be just as supportive as mom regarding early childhood development. Especially Early Intervention programs.

When a mom and dad split, sometimes people forget to include dad in the discussion for their child's developmental needs. Too often, initial meetings are held without dad. Agencies are beginning to realize dads are not included, and have increased outreach efforts. However, when dads learn about Early Intervention services, they should do the following:

ALWAYS get involved as soon as you can. If you missed a few meetings, check your feelings prior to your the next meeting. Never attend a meeting with an agenda of your own. Coming across abrasive will only worsen things. If you have to express your feelings, use positive messages to get your point across. For example, you can say, "Gee, I missed the first few meetings, however I am sure glad to be a part of  todays meeting. I only want the best for my child." This notifies the team of your disappointment, while letting them know you want to be a part of your child's life.

When your child has recommendations for strategies at home, you should clarify anything you misunderstand, and always follow a treatment plan. This is what is best for you child. Never allow your frustrations to overtake the treatment plan. The greatest impact you can have on your child is participating in their life. Lead the way when it comes to helping your child develop correctly, and people will respect your efforts. This will ensure that you will not be excluded from future meetings.